Why oh why.

Palm Sunday. A very honorable day to some, the worst for me. Today started out wonderfully. Sunny, breezy, coffee and toast. Oh such bliss. But like every calm before the storm, there was always a conundrum of bad things that will happen. I say WILL because definitely something is about.

I’m a positive guy, relatively cheerful and puts on a happy face all the time. Today was my first time to hit rock bottom. HARD. You can say I’m way down below the down limit. If that makes any sense at all. I hate this feeling. 

Moments when one mistake tumbles into a free-fall like a snow ball on the side of a mountain, those stuff that you see on cartoons and all. Everything builds up. Like shit that makes me feel bad.

After all of the previous mishaps, defining self-depreciation, and hopelessness. All got summed up today. Not that I am ranting about it, it’s such a new feeling to me. Not being able to put on that smile, that happy mask that protects me from everything bad. Doesn’t work at all. 

I dunno. Many people feel the same way I do now, and they managed to either do greater things in life, or kill themselves. I am in no state of mind to be thinking of the latter. 

I’m sure tomorrow might be a better day, I always tell that to myself. Even if the snowball keeps on tumbling, it will crash at the base of the mountain. That I am sure of.

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This is what music should be all about.

Whatever happened to musicians like BTS? Man, mainstream music nowadays push the realest artists out. As a kid growing up in the 90s and early y2k, I have heard better music than what is enjoyed by the majority now. Hell before we had Soundcloud, Youtube and iTunes. We had cassettes, cd players that skip when moved around too much. Not to mention the huge “portable” speakers that blows minds away. I still have faith in artists like BTS. Awesome bunch of guys from Los Angeles. A must listen.

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Philippines. A sensational hit once again.

Here we go again. As of March 13 there was a a video entitled “20 reasons why I dislike the Philippines”, this video was originally made by Michael Goodman from Denver, Colorado. He originally posted the video in the website Channelfix.com. The person who reposted this video on Youtube goes by the username ch1n6k0y. Talk about copyright infringement. 

Original Source; Reposter.

Once again the Filipino society are united in the abominable hater-esque movement of online spammage. Filling the videos with every unethical and very shaming remarks, comments, flaming, you name it. To give you a few of the comments that made me cringe, laugh, and those that inspired to banter at their close minded outlook, click here.

You see, some of my fellow countrymen are too proud to admit that all things discussed on the video are indeed FACTS and are REAL. Seen through the eyes of an individual who grew up in a different environment. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing, in fact, think of it this way. He see’s what WE, the society who has been in this country since birth, FAILED to see. So cut those guys some slack will you? He didn’t mean to fondle your egotistic nationalistic balls.

Jimmy Sieczka and Mike Goodman, the creators of the video are American nationals. I grew up in a foreign country as well and I have been residing in Manila since 2005. Americans are usually open when it comes to constructive criticism. I have met, conversed, and hanged out with people of different nationalities. From Arabs, Ethiopians, Thais, Koreans, and Americans as well. Those “Joes” are actually fun people to be with! Well, better than Koreans and sometimes better than Filipinos. It’s not their fault they are like that because they grew up that way. Unlike most Filipinos who were spoonfed with positive reinforcement since birth, these guys look at the good side and the bad side of things. 

I am proud to be a Filipino, yes I am. But I am not proud of being part of a society that reacts negatively to any feedback directed to them. There is always a line that we have to draw when it comes to reacting to things like this. Let’s stop the bullshit and cut the innate desire to defend something that sometimes, isn’t worth the effort. Especially when it’s our nationalistic egos. Yes there are many things to love about the Philippines, but yes there are also things that we hate about it. It also goes to any country in the world. We find places we love and we find places we hate. We just have to live with that fact.

By the way, Mike Goodman also produced a video listing the 20 things I like about the Philippines. So you cannot just say he’s bantering about negative things on his videos. 

Nationalistic pride sometimes suck, just to let you guys know.

And no, I am not sorry for my words. I am not siding with anyone, this is just my opinion when it comes to the matter.

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My top ten for the day!

Since everyone is making their top tens or twenty or what have you lists. I might as well make my own. I present to you, my top 10 (ridiculously stupid) Comments on the Youtube video, 20 reasons why I dislike the Philippines.

10. First time i’ve seen that beatiful ASS in Philuppines. Sayang girl boy lng… -rhay

Seriously. I’m gonna go the extra mile to say that you represent that country you just misspelled.


So stupid. This person clearly cannot take constructive criticism well. A perfect example of the Filipino pride folly.

8. Hoy mga Putang-inang ninyong filipino kayo mga lowly race…!!! how unfortunate ang bansang Philippines dahil sa mga taong katulad ninyo!!! fucking idiots!!! - leisryan

I don’t even… Are you kidding me right now? This one speaks on its own.

7. Yeah your right this country might not the best country in the world.., but you know what??

Maybe if only your country did not colonized us,sucking our natural resources, razed to the ground manila (WW II), living us the colonial mentality that many of us inherited now..,

This could have been a better place don’t you think?

Oooh. Well maybe you could just leave history be. That shit got nothing to do with what’s right now. Plus, it has been a sociologically proven that the Americans are not at fault for the “Colonial Mentality” you so whine about.

6. Why don’t I give you a hundred reasons why you should be erased from the face of this planet. - Penguin9fifty

Start listing them all then, please. We are eager to know.

5. Bobo yan..

bkit pa xa nand2..

hnd nlang umalis..

ipadeport na yan - Chadweng

…I don’t even. Those guys have stayed in Cebu for quite a period now, deporting them would make this country look bad.

4. HELLO~?





TSK~ - Oreauxz

Do you honestly think that Jose Rizal would be happy to know you speak (or type) the words you just said?

3. hey you!!!

i think your more f***ing than the philippines

try to respect it you b**ll S**t

like if you agree -judecobacha

Grammar is beyond crap here. While I am at it, why do you cuss in context if you are gonna censor it anyway? He even asked for his comment to be liked. Unbelievable.

2. guys just ignore him. he’s aiming to be a video blogger and just wana create some traffic in his page by getting some reaction with this silly/annoying video.

you dude, who made this vid, next time why dont you try making some sensible video. that will get you relevant amount of hits rather than hate.

or just keep on hating if that’s what you’re made of i guess.. -thatsitism

Okay, this guy actually made sense on the onset, but I am blatantly disappointed at his words that followed. One, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BLOGGING IS ALL ABOUT, GETTING HITS. Don’t like his material? Don’t read it then. Two, the video ACTUALLY MADE SENSE. If you failed to see that, I have bad news for you sir, you are the one that don’t have any sense at all. 

1. Where is this white Albino now??? want to blast his head with a hammer.-Bushpit

This one shot me down to the world of eternal dismay and dysfunctional insanity. I think I lost a part of my intelligence when I read it. Said person called the one on the video a WHITE ALBINO… WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL DO YOU THINK IS THE COLOR OF AN ALBINO? PINK? BLAST HIS HEAD WITH A HAMMER? Your hammer must be needing bullets. Hatred towards an individual based on their opinion is an upsetting matter to be honest, and you just proved me right.

FINALLY. I am done. It has been a torture for me to give you the pleasure of reading this top ten list.

I think I’ll go and blast my head up with a hammer now.

Before I go though I have to give props to a comment that ACTUALLY MADE SENSE.

I actually think it’s funny. I’m Filipino. Bakit pag foreigner ang nagsasabi ng mga truths na to, saka lang tayo nagagalit? Pero meron tayong Bob Ong and Lourd de Veyra and Ramon Bautista. Hindi naman tayo galit sa kanila eh. Galit ba? Idol natin sila :)) - Kotoneha

You sir, made my night.

Give it a few days, and I can’t wait which of the senators would be asking for a public apology. Ridiculous.

PS. Edited the post, got rid of the cussing.

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A morning cup of coffee

The title is so mundane and pro hipsterific. Amazingly due to the stress of my lifestyle, I have returned to drinking coffee again (I apologize my great kidneys, I will go on water diet later). I am not purely allowed to drink coffee actually, aside from my chronic kidney stones, I tend to be over hyperactive. Yes that is not a redundancy check. OVER. HYPER. ACTIVE. But hey, I need my brain to stay crazily insane for the next few hours because I have to do shit around.

As of the moment I am still waiting for articles to be worked on from my boss. God I love having to work at home, can we just not finish the office boss? I can work in my drawers here. A few of the things I cannot do at the office. Plus I have unlimited stock of coffee, tea, water, food, and I can take a cigarette break anytime! But yeah, I still have a couple of weeks before I go to the office. :(

Speaking of coffee, did you know that there are 63 known kinds of coffee? Aside from those that you order from Shitbucks (YES I HATE STARBUCKS), there are more. To those that deliberately poison themselves with coffee to death, and to those who know what a Ristretto is. You know what I am talking about. :D Now go make me a Doppio since I suck at making that! 

Well seriously, to those that do not know, there are other various kinds of coffee. The aforementioned Ristretto and Doppio are forms of making an espresso. Ristretto or restrict in Italian verbose, can be called a “short shot” of espresso. Removing the porta filter from the machine quite shorter than the usual time, creating a espresso shot mainly consisting of the coffee oils having a fuller body with less bitterness. Doppio on the other hand, is a standard double where the coffee is sieved through a double basket filter in the portafilter. Too much trivia for the day? Try searching on your own as you might be surprised as to how many kinds of coffee are there around the world.

Coffee Gallery 1; Coffee Gallery 2

Morning trivia about coffee, how…trivial… 

I should start my day now should I? Yeaaaahhh. I don’t want you to think I’m some schmuck slobbering trivia everywhere. 

A pleasant morning to everyone. Do bring with you your favored parasol as the clouds are aloof and dark. Shivering cold and rain is up and about for the day. 


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To be who I want to be or what others want of me? That is the question.

Earlier this evening (yesterday actually since it is already past midnight), I read a post about self-actualization via college degrees. It had me thinking for a couple of minutes and finally came about with the question, “Do we really define ourselves with the proof of our knowledge? Or do we just garnish our self definition with sugar-coated TORs and Diplomas?”

To me this has always been an abated topic. To some being a college graduate is a defining moment in the life of a young adult. But what about those who never had the opportunity to finish college? Do we look at them and say “that person is a scum on the face of the earth”?  Let us not forget that there are many inspirations to the underdogs of society, like Bill Gates and the current social network billionaire Mark Zuckerberg. They were undergraduates that made millions. Not the typical rags-to-riches story but a proof that hard work pays off. I live in a country where a degree would be your ticket to a good life. Well for every parent who worked hard to send their kids off to an expensive party we all call university, the Toga and the paper handed over worth only for origami folding is all that’s important.

But here in my part of the world, even a degree wouldn’t land you a job anymore. They seek it as a requirement and yet, jobs are scarce. I firmly believe that a starched paper wouldn’t define a persons skill nor will it describe said beings personality. That’s what sucks about it. Diplomas here define you as to how you will perform. I have met a lot of great painters, musicians, and literary figures who never had a degree in relations to their work. I have met as well sentient beings who just suck at their chosen career. 

For me that piece of paper is nothing but an idol we all like to put on a pedestal to boast about. I am apathetic towards people who think otherwise. It just brings about responsibilities and expectations we all fail to commit to. We all hate to disappoint, and when we do, we fall to bitter terms and put on a facade that we show everyone. Just how many layers of masks can a person hide before we see the true being? (At this moment Reflections of Mulan OST plays) Why are we afraid to show who we are, what we can do and why we do it? Are we ashamed? Or are we just afraid to hurt other people because they expect us to be someone they want us to be? 

I am not abashed to admit that writing and cooking has been my forlorn passion. A lot of people see that, a lot of people know that. It came with a price to let you know, a big one. I don’t want to serve as an inspiration to others as that is not my intention. I am not living THE good life with what I do, I live a simple and humble one. A good life if you may. Everyone should do the same, this is not a call to arms to rebel against all people who wants you to be something, but let’s stop putting the I-have-a-diploma-I-am-educated front. Just be real guys, keep it real. Unabashed, unequivocal, be proud for what you want to do. For what you like to do.

So herein lies the question that you should be asking yourself.

Did you become someone you wanted to be? Or become something that others expect you to be?

Only you know the answer to that.


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Who is Joseph Kony really?

Due to the recent hype on this Joseph Kony, I got curious as to who this person is. I admit I was unaware of this person and his atrocities up until the recent videos posted over the internet and made public by the organization called Invisible Children Inc., spearheaded by film maker Jason Russell. Kony is known to use children who are abducted to join his army. Mostly males who are made to kill their parents and relatives to prove devotion to the army, while the female children are used as sex slaves abused by the army.

It was a valiant and bold move, gaining online publicity at outrageous tremors. From the Facebook news feeds to the hot videos on Youtube. The image of Joseph Kony has been plastered on every online board. Making him infamous at an instant. With support from celebrities and renowned artists like Shephard Fairy and Rihanna, it is no wonder he has become a huge figure early on this year.

But with all of these publicity and honorific support by various sects of the world, therein lies one final question that needs answering. Would we be able to indict Joseph Kony? That is the question we are still looking for an answer to.

Let me describe to you who Joseph Kony is based on my research online and through various sources overseas. Joseph Kony, born on the year of 1961, 50-51 years of age. The renowned leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army from Odek, Uganda. Aside from his recent internet fame, he is also known to lead the Ugandan people into a theocracy rule based solely on the Ten Commandments. He was born amongst the Acholi people. With parents who are devout catechists he was opened to the religious aspect of life at an early age. Being an altar boy for several years before he stopped attending church and dropped out of school at the age of 15. As a teenager he was apprenticed by Jamie Brow, his older brother and a village witch doctor. When Brow passed away, Kony took over his position. A village witch doctor with theological teachings, a vague and somewhat disheartening thought.

Before he led the LRA, he was a member of the Holy Spirit Movement, a resistance movement claimed to be inspired by the Holy Spirit of God. Led by Alice Lakwena who is thought to be related to Joseph Kony. Kony was very much inspired by the teachings of Lakwena as he would preach the same superstitious encouragement to the LRA soldiers. 

The crimes of the LRA under Joseph Kony’s leadership has been nothing short of outrageous. From the attacks on Lamwo of Northern Uganda in 1997 which led to the death 400 people and 100,00 people displaced, up to the unbelievable massacre on the 25th of December in 2008 on a Christian Concert in Fajarde, Doruma and Gurba. The estimated death toll on the 25th estimated up to a staggering number of 500 victims. Efforts by the International Criminal Court (ICC) to arrest this man has been up to shortcomings as Joseph Kony has been able to avoid capture for many years. This lead to the events of this year to establish his infamy as a means for many UN countries to take military action to deal with the LRA and Joseph Kony.

Theocracy, or a form of government wherein official policies are made by officials said to be guided by “divinity”. Not my cup of coffee when it comes to leading a country really. A government based on the rule of “God” is not a good choice. Let us not forget the inhuman Crusades, the burning of the innocent “Witches”, and the murder of many in the name of gods. I am not against any religion, as it serves its purpose in many ways in our society, I am just against religious governance as it is counter productive. The objectives of this “God’s Army” according to James Alfred Obita, a former Secretary For External Affairs and Leader of Delegation of the Lord’s Resistance Army, are as follows.

  1. To fight for the immediate restoration of competitive multi-party democracy in Uganda.
  2. To see an end to gross violation of human rights and dignity of Ugandans.
  3. To ensure the restoration of peace and security in Uganda.
  4. To ensure unity, sovereignty and economic prosperity beneficial to all Ugandans
  5. To bring to an end to the repressive policy of deliberate marginalization of groups of people who may not agree with the National Resistance Army’s ideology.

Many would find, the objectives and the ideology started by Joseph Kony as hypocrisy at it’s finest. Some would consider the LRA as a terrorist group disguising itself as Christian based military. Resembling Adolf Hitler and the Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei when you think about it. A modern day Fuhrer and Nazi story if you may.

But the stories about Kony doesn’t focus on his ideologies and his crimes towards the people of Uganda, they mainly focus on what he does to the children that he abducts. An estimate of 10,000 children (estimated from 1987 up until the recent) has been forced to fight for the army and kill any relatives, neighbors and community members. With the use of physical and emotional intimidation, the LRA has been using children to fight their wars and join the resistance. These children were in the front lines, taking the bulk of the casualty count. Since they are easily replaceable through more abductions and intimidation.

With the approval of U.S. President Barack Obama, the LRA Disarmament and Northern Uganda Recovery Act passed unanimously in the U.S. Senate. But even with the bill passed with affirmation, only 100 US Troops from the military has been sent to assist Ugandan Forces to stop the LRA. Well that itself at least is help considered.

How has Kony affected us all at present times? Well I don’t know about you. But he definitely did bring out the justice wanting side of me. He needs to be brought to justice for his crimes, the blasphemy of using the name of a religious figure for crimes, and the suffering of many children under his army. Those kids could’ve been like Jacob Aceye who wanted to be a lawyer. The future of Uganda is bleak because of the loss of hope brought about by this “Lord’s Army”. The children is the future of any nation, that is why we invest many resources to their betterment. If I had a child, I wouldn’t want him to see a future of war and crime, I want him to see a green grassy field where he can run all day with his dog, or lie under a tree reading a novel with me and my wife. A future free of harm and hate, my kids future. Idealistic? Yes it is very much so. But that idealistic nature of mine is what keeps me hopeful. Hopeful that one day, people like Joseph Kony would be brought to justice and served for his crime. Hope for that bright future where no one is afraid to live. Hope for one day…our children would be able to roam around free.

I am not ashamed to admit, but I support Invisible Children Inc. with their motives and their wanton desire to bring Joseph Kony down.

Bernard Allan Exevea


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1961 films and Valentines.

It was unfortunate enough that I was not able to spend valentines with that person I adore so much, I can only send my greetings and all my care over the airwaves. 

Forget that. I had one of the best valentines ever. Let us go back to the very beginning.

I was at home watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s in the living room over tea. I almost always do that on Valentines. The only different thing tonight is, I’m drinking tea instead of beer. Audrey Hepburn’s beauty never ceases to amaze me. For a mid 50’s-60’s star, she was unfaltering. There I was watching the film as Snow cuddles up on my feet keeping it warm. While I was going through the movie I was waiting for Medz to send me a message that she got home from work. It was past 12 midnight and Valentines is officially over. Still no message from her. I was beginning to worry. Then at 12:10 I got a message from her “Hey are you still awake?” Relieved, I responded “Yeah, you home yet?”. Then she sent me the most confusing message ever. “Yeah, I’m just catching up on Valentines. Do you love surprises?:)” Almost as if the world compounded to confuse me even more, I responded with “A bit, why?”

"Surprise!!! :) Wait for me? :)"

My world crashed for a moment…MY HOUSE IS NOT FEMALE FRIENDLY AS OF THE MOMENT! Thus began the fastest clean-up I ever had in my life. in 10 minutes I was throwing unfolded clothes to my sisters room, was cleaning up the ash tray and started putting my pants on. (to unaware people, I usually wear pants, or no pants) It was ravenous as to how quick I was cleaning while obliviously stating “Oh my god.” in rapid succession. She is coming, the house is not fit to receive a female entity and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. Shirt stinks of smoke and Snow still had a dirty mustache on his face. 

"I’m almost there."

The dreaded words, unexpected and without further knowledge as to what might occur. This is why I love surprises only a bit. I consider the thought endearing and I appreciate it very much. The only thing I hate about it, is the uncertainty. I am a person who finds bliss in the logical acceptance of events. This rattles all of it. “What am I supposed to say? What am I gonna do? I have no food to serve, what shall I cook for her? Oh no, there’s a butt stain by Snow! F*CK!” Worried, I just let it all fall into place. She arrived, with a box of Cake2Go. IT WAS CHEESECAKE! Oh my goodness, I had been craving for cheesecake for days. Yet, here she is carrying a box of cheesecake ready to be eaten. But aside from that, she was wearing a floral top which was cute (the only floral top that she has). She was beautiful, coming out of that cab. There I was wearing a shirt, flabbergasted and mundane, at a loss for words. 

After cake we spent the night cuddling, watching tv, talking about colors, pet peeves. Most importantly about tomorrow. Not necessarily the day after, but the future. I like her, she is adorable, she is beautiful. She makes me happy. There are a million things I want to tell her. But alas only three words matter. Yet I cannot tell her that. Maybe because it might be too fast for us to progress this much in a relationship. From dating, to intimate hugs, to exclusive kisses. I worry I have said this before to other women, that I have never met someone like them. But this time, I am serious. I never met someone like her. She made this sorry guy feel worthy, she bought cake! (Stop it with your “The cake is a lie” Portal game reference please) And most of all, she made me feel important.

I don’t care if she doesn’t have the tits of a pornstar. Or Kim Kardashians plump ass. I don’t care if she’s taller than me. The only thing I can see is a woman who cares. I hope she doesn’t care I’m bummed out at home, frustrated, penniless, and broke. She’s not a gold digger, there’s no gold to be dug, more like a broke digger I might say. (Thank you DFD for the wonderful reference, She don’t care - Dumbfoundead, a must listen.) All I want is her company, and I hope she does too.

Like Audrey Hepburn in the 1961 film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. This moment will be immortalized. Not forgotten. A moment when I look back, I will still see beauty and perfection. :)

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Feel Good

"It was a rainy afternoon. I couldn’t get myself up from my bed, not that I was lazy to go do something. But I was steadily smiling as I read her messages. The ubiquitous sensation of fear and joy as I gaze in the ceiling and wait for a response. After a while she had to work. So I had to get up as well. Off and about coffee in hand and a happy thought in mind. ‘This Saturday would definitely make my week perfect.’ I exclaimed with a hypnotic and miasmic smile. Up and about I visited close friends and best buddies. Had breakfast, lunch and dinner outside while waiting for her. Alas the day ends without me seeing her notorious smile. But it was not all in vain. See technology makes wonders in the world of communication. A text message is as good enough a word as if you are conversing. Today I got lots of it from her. We talked about our dopplegangers and our look alikes. Argued as to why I look korean and she doesn’t find the idea of being a look alike of a sultry actress fine. But in the end I tell her ‘No matter whoever or whatever your look alikes might be, you are still unique. And a beautiful one at that.’ I mean that. It’s been days now since the last sighting of such beauty. Now I miss it. I long for it. Like a junkie waiting for his next stash of coke, I am shivering and constantly waiting for that day. But like any junkie with a bad habit, I have to work for it to earn it. This is one drug I cannot deny that I am willing to induge myself in." -Feels good to be high.

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